Ted Caslabanca from E!online
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I have it.
Why snot-thing Gwyneth Paltrow and dude-thing Ben Affleck called it quits. Actually, I should say the reasons, and they occurred a few months ago:
Fade in on the Italian set of The Talented Mr. Ripley, starring G.P. and B.A.'s bestest pal, Matt Damon.
Winona Ryder--who's ridin' Damon, sorta, for the moment--is there, along with Ben, making it a young-Hollywood foursome. It was quite the red-cheeked salon, my foreign correspondents report back to me.
But Ben-babe is nonetheless bored. Now, think back a bit to when I was reporting how Affleck was affected by Paltrow's affected ways, how he's always been a bit put out by her prissiness and stiffiness. Ya with me? Good.
So, there's B.A., messin' around on his PC. Emailin' back to the States with a pal of his who's really giving Mr. Young Movie Star a hard time. As in:
"You dog, you'll never stay loyal to her."
"You're too restless with her, you're gonna wander away."
Well, doll faces, are you on the edges of your keyboards waiting to hear how Ben responded? (I know I was.)
"I think you're right," was the answer the hunk sent back.
Now, keep in mind, the hunk's been loyal up to this point. He's merely projecting. But, here's the real coup d' Gwyneth, you might say:
"I don't think I like her enough to stay loyal," Affleck wrote. "I don't know if I ever will like her that much."
Understandable on his part (doncha think?), since even viewing G.P. onscreen I'd say is the equivalent to watching yeast not rise.
Hang on, it gets messier:
What went down next, according to sources on the set and very deep inside the Salon d' Foursome, was some serious penetration. You heard me right.
Armed with Ben's password, G.P. went into his computer and read all of his back emails, thus arming herself with enough Paltrow-chilliness to freeze Uranus. (I'm sure she was only looking for his special brownie recipe.)
Which is exactly what she did--stayed frozen with this knowledge throughout the holidays and, contrary to published reports, did not break up with Ben until a week ago.
Before then, there were simply too many social obligations to attend stag.
And that's the truth, awful as it is.
Better guard that password a little better next time, Ben. Or your mouth.
P. Scoop (A little golden statuette tells me Ben & Gwyn are attending the Globes together this weekend--won't that little stunt send my type atwitter?)
Reprinted with out permission. See link above.